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Old 10-22-2009
kmweiss's Avatar
kmweiss kmweiss is offline
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Amazingly Simple Home Remedies:

1. If You're Choking On An Ice Cube, Simply Pour A Cup Of Boiling Water Down Your Throat. Presto! The Blockage Will Instantly Remove Itself.

2. Avoid Cutting Yourself When Slicing Vegetables By Getting Someone Else To Hold The Vegetables While You Chop.

3. Avoid Arguments With The Females About Lifting The Toilet Seat By Using The Sink.

4. For High Blood Pressure Sufferers ~ Simply Cut Yourself And Bleed For A Few Minutes, Thus Reducing The Pressure On Your Veins. Remember To Use A Timer.

5. A Mouse Trap Placed On Top Of Your Alarm Clock Will Prevent You From Rolling Over And Going Back To Sleep After You Hit The Snooze Button.

6. If You Have A Bad Cough, Take A Large Dose Of Laxatives. Then You'll Be Afraid To Cough.

7. You Only Need Two Tools In Life - Wd-40 And Duct Tape. If It Doesn't Move And Should, Use The Wd-40. If It Shouldn't Move And Does, Use The Duct Tape.

8. Remember - Everyone Seems Normal Until You Get To Know Them.

9. If You Can't Fix It With A Hammer, You've Got An Electrical Problem.

Daily Thought: Some People Are Like Slinkies - Not Really Good For Anything But They Bring A Smile To Your Face When Pushed Down The Stairs.
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Old 10-22-2009
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This makes me think Viz.
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Old 10-22-2009
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I think I'm going to make a little stitchwork plaque out of #9 and hang it in our hall closet, where we keep our tools.
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Old 10-22-2009
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Calexico Calexico is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kmweiss View Post
3. Avoid Arguments With The Females About Lifting The Toilet Seat By Using The Sink.
Ahh, Homer Simpson....

I drink a whisky drink, I drink a vodka drink
And when I need to pee
I use the kitchen sink
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