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  #16  
Old 07-30-2007
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JayB JayB is offline
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Bill Hicks is a legend.

I love Bill Bailey as well... he's very funny. And I also like Dylan Moran...
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  #17  
Old 07-30-2007
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Glacier55!
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  #18  
Old 07-30-2007
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I like this youtube thing...

Here's Dimitri Martin...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiFrf...elated&search=
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  #19  
Old 07-31-2007
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Calexico Calexico is offline
Jimmy's guitar sound...
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JayB View Post
And I also like Dylan Moran...
I cannot get into him at all. He is funny and he has the chops for the live work but the whole shambling, almost drunk routine does my head in.
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  #20  
Old 07-31-2007
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Bryn Bryn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Calexico View Post
but the whole shambling, almost drunk routine does my head in.
Give it away then
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  #21  
Old 07-31-2007
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Jimmy's guitar sound...
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bryn View Post
Give it away then
Pipe down there, Marsha.
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  #22  
Old 07-31-2007
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Also love Stephen Wright, Bill Maher, George Carlin, Dave Chappelle & the Marx Bros. Adding:
Stephen Colbert
Dennis Leary
Woody Allen
Hank Azaria
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  #23  
Old 07-31-2007
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I forgot Dave Allen before, I liked his style.
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  #24  
Old 07-31-2007
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Here's a clip of "Flight of the Conchords"

Hilarious...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bjdUFa_QQ8
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  #25  
Old 07-31-2007
Haggischomper
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sybilskelton View Post
Robin Williams - seems popular nowadays to bag on him, but his standup is still some of the funniest stuff around.
Here ya go

Always did love that one.
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  #26  
Old 08-01-2007
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Calexico Calexico is offline
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George Carlin's
New Rules For 2007


New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days--mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar.

What did you expect it to contain? Trout?

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope.

If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man,
they're pictures of men.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them?

Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue.

Congratulations, Target, you Just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule : Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait! They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms,
I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: No more gift registries.

You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving,it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months.

"27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine.

He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying" Do you want fries with that?"
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  #27  
Old 08-01-2007
Melody Blues
 
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Originally Posted by Calexico View Post
George Carlin's
New Rules For 2007


New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days--mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar.

What did you expect it to contain? Trout?

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope.

If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man,
they're pictures of men.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them?

Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue.

Congratulations, Target, you Just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule : Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait! They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms,
I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: No more gift registries.

You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving,it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months.

"27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine.

He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying" Do you want fries with that?"

I love it!! This guy knows where it's at. I was only pondering the baby age thing the other day!
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  #28  
Old 09-11-2014
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JoMama JoMama is offline
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I watched 'The Fisher King' tonight, in memory of Robin Williams. Sort of forgot that one and how Terry Gilliam slapped a happy ending onto it so obviously a cynical stab at Hollywood (or was it?). I wonder if this was riffing on the same joke as the 'happy ending' to Bladerunner...
A good Williams role. A dramatic turn with his usual manner of improv. A sad, sad film but I guess we wanted him to turn it around at the end anyway, eh Terry?
Maybe he left before having to deal with the real tragedy he saw coming, parallel to what was depicted in this film... R.I.P.

then, before we could step again, Joan Rivers leaves us too.
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  #29  
Old 09-12-2014
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jacieb jacieb is offline
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I listened to Steve Martin's "Lets Get Small" album when I was a kid on a constant loop. I think at one point I had most of the album memorized. I heard a snippet on the radio a few months back and it cracked me up.

My parents had a few Bill Cosby albums. When there was nothing on TV (pre-DVR and Netflix) we'd listen to stories of Russell, cream of wheat, and the chicken heart. At the time, those albums were a revelation.

Current comics that make me laugh are Eddie Izzard and Jim Gaffigan. I find Demitri Martin to be consistently funny, as well as Lewis Black (though I'm always worried he's going to collapse).
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  #30  
Old 09-12-2014
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ChiefCrowe ChiefCrowe is offline
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Posts: 3,090
I really enjoyed Russel Peters last standup release.

Also, Aziz Ansari Buried Alive was pretty good - better than the one before, which I thought was just ok.
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